Clover and Blueberry

A little over a year ago, I got married to a man that, as it turned out, did not want the same things in life as me.

Seven or eight months ago, I was  reminded me of all of the things I wanted to do with my life. I asked my husband if he wanted to go to counselling with me to work through it, or if he wanted to split up. We split up.

The next few months were pure chaos. My now-ex-husband moved out, and three of my coworkers moved in to help me with the rent. I really hit it off with one of them. Jeremy had a knack of getting me to smile, even on my worst days, and knew just how to handle my wildly swinging emotions as i dealt with the loss of not only a marriage and a 3-year long relationship, but also of all the other things I lost when my marriage fell apart. My ex took the dog that we had raised together, I lost the majority of my friends (including 2 of my bridesmaids) because they had been his friends going into the relationship, I lost a mother-in-law and a brother-in-law that I had also cared about deeply… I also gained a strained relationship with my own parents as they struggled to come to terms with my decisions, and with their own feelings of loss regarding their son-in-law.

Jeremy was the one who really helped me pick up the pieces. He reminded me that I had other animals (4 guinea pigs that my ex had abandoned to me when he left) that still needed my love and attention, and that there were other people in my life who still cared about me, regardless of what had happened.

Our other two roommates, Jeremy’s best friends from high school, were also there. They joined forces to make sure that I didn’t feel alone as I battled my way through all of these complex emotions – even going out of their way to give me a wonderful birthday, just days after the split.

It wasn’t until Valentine’s Day that I realized how much I had come to mean to Jeremy. He asked if I was doing anything for Valentine’s Day, and when I told him I’d never really celebrated it, he seemed baffled. I had to explain that my ex hadn’t believed in “Hallmark Holidays,” and I had never had a real Valentine’s Day before.

He surprised me with a giant stuffed frog, a sweet card, and dinner at his favorite restaurant. I’m pretty sure I cried.

After that, Jeremy and I became very close. I hesitated to introduce him to my family as anything more than my roommate, for fear of how they would react so soon after my breakup… but when I finally got up the courage, they embraced him with open arms. Since then, they have even revieled to me that they feel that Jeremy and I are much better match than my husband and I had been.

We got a new puppy together – a little Chihuahua/Min-Pin mix named Clover, and adopted another guinea pig (totaling 5 now: two girls and a neutered boy that live together, and two other boys that live separately).

It’s not at all the way that I imagined my happily ever after to start.  It’s not at all where I pictured my life would be today. But I don’t care. This is my life, and I’m insanely, blissfully happy.

Living with the three boys has been chaotic and crazy at times – filled with midnight trips to Taco Bell, group sessions of Minecraft, and intense games of Nerf wars. However, that era is soon to be coming to a close.

A little over a month ago, Jeremy and I found out that I’m pregnant. As was expected, the boys are not terribly thrilled with the idea of living with a newborn baby (or a hormone-ridden woman going through the emotional ups and downs of an unexpected pregnancy). So it has been decided that very soon, we will all be parting ways. The boys intend to move back to their parents’ houses until they can once again afford to move out together. Jeremy and I are looking to move into a little 1 or 2 bedroom place as we prepare to welcome a new life into the world.

I’m sad that I won’t be seeing the guys as much anymore – I can’t tell you how much fun it has been living with all of them – but I am also looking forward to some peace and quiet for a little while before the baby comes.

—–

When people ask me what I “want to be when I grow up,” because “surely I don’t want to work for Home Depot forever,” I sometimes struggle to come up with a socially acceptable answer. Honestly, I would love to be able to be a stay-at-home mom. I would love to homeschool my child(ren) and to continue growing my online business selling crafty things (I love trying out new crafts, but never seem to make anything for myself, so I sell them, haha).

Most people kind of look at me sideways when I tell them I want to be a stay at home mom. Don’t I want to have a career of my own? Honestly? Not really. Before I worked at Home Depot, I was a nanny. I loved spending every day with the kids – taking them to the park, to storytime at the library, teaching them about the world in general. I can’t imagine anything more fulfilling or worthwhile than being able to do that with my own child (whom we playfully call Blueberry).

Plus, I would love to have the “free time” to be able to volunteer more with my local guinea pig rescue. I used to be much more involved before I got my new job, and I miss the people and spending time with all those cute little happy critters.

For now though, those dreams are out of reach. I’ll continue working where I’m working, doing the things I can for the rescue, and preparing for our new little Blueberry to arrive in our lives.

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